December 1, 2010

Alternative Modes of Transportation: Part One - Surviving a Tsunami

This is one of my favorite topics to talk about, so excuse me if I seem overly excited about this one guys. Most people would do the unthinkable in a disaster and get in their car and attempt to leave. Make no mistake, if you do this you won't get very far. As of a 2007 Census report there are approx. 247 million registered vehicles in the United States, do you really want to be 1 in 247,000,000? Do you honestly think that you will get more than a mile in a disaster? You won't. You probably won't even be able to pull out of your own driveway.

This is another issue that I can only provide guidance in. These methods are greatly affected by what area you live in, as well as the climate. Some of my ideas haven't even been thought of by other disaster fanatics, which surprises me. In my opinion these are some of my best ideas and will probably requires little tweaking on your part.


I hear people in NYC say all the time "We don't have to worry about tsunami's, we have the some of the tallest buildings in the world." or "Tsunami's don't hit the big city." ::dumbfounded:: People are retarded. But that's what you get from a society that focuses more on disasters being a film plot rather than an actual occurrence. Buildings are not meant to withstand tsunami's, no building is ever designed with a "Tsunami Contingency Plan". If a building does happen to remain standing after a tsunami, it's probably just luck or the land elevation playing a huge factor. You will not survive a tsunami by getting to the top of the Empire State Building, you'll just die of exhaustion running up those stairs. Unfortunately, most people will die in tsunami's- even the prepared.

So what's my mode of transportation with such low survival rates? The Human Bubble. You know you've seen that ridiculous commercial for Huggies with the mother who doesn't want to expose her child to outside elements, so she brings the kid to the park in a human bubble. These human bubbles will be anyone's best chance of surviving the unsurvivable. Conveniently, there are human bubble's available for purchase on eBay's marketplace, usually ringing in between $600.00-$1500.00, however these bubbles only provide a frame for an Apocalyptic Human Bubble (Phrase Coined by Yours Truly).

Now there are some tweaks needed to make this idea work. Firstly you would have to create a light weight coating to make the bubble as indestructible as humanly possible. Obviously Kevlar is out because of its weight. Thankfully scientists in Israel have begun to solve this problem for me and started to develop the Hardest Organic Material ever made by scientists, which is also ultra-light.

Secondly, we'll have to find a lightweight way of completely sealing the opening so no water can penetrate the inside of our bubble- however I am still iffy on my conclusions on this one. First I was thinking caulking, but tsunami's are strong and caulking is weak. Typical measures used in spaceships and submarines would not qualify as they'd probably require an actual door and can weigh quite a bit, and we are working with a bubble. I suppose you could cover the door with a twice as large piece of aforementioned material and cover the back of the overlapping material in a sticky waterproof substance. This step will require a lot of testing, for some reason Mythbusters is coming to mind.

Lastly, oxygen. Arguably the most important part of this product, as you all know a ball can not float on water without air in it. So you'll have to get yourself the lightest oxygen tank available I suggest DeVilbiss Walkabout Mini Oxygen System weighing under 4 lbs, and giving up to 4 hours of oxygen, which I believe is enough time to survive a tsunami.

If this idea seems to complicated for you, you could always build yourself a fucking Ark, Good Luck :-P

P.F.S. If you build this, and it works, make sure you have your money with you. Chances are you'll end up hundreds of miles from where you started. That'd be a long ass way to go in a glorified hamster ball.

xoxo disaster girl

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