"Circling The Drain" with George Carlin - Theoretical Interview on The End of the World*

We are winding down to our supposed "last days" here on Earth, and while I've always felt that the human species was nearing the end of its road.. I can't help but think of what's behind it all. The myths, prophecies, science, history, and pessimism behind the apocalypse of the human species are really quite interesting things. There are many people who actually revel the idea that our species is coming to an end, citing that humans as a whole have squandered the gifts they were given. Some of these people, like George Carlin, are very open and honest concerning our demise. Carlin, with his comic humor and unique opinions has informed many people just how real these things are in an unabashed, no line left uncrossed, Chew-On-This sort of way. He made people laugh at something that completely terrifies them, which is a feat not many can claim.


INTERVIEW WITH CARLIN

1. So George, Is there a future here?

George: [Does it really matter?] .. The future will soon be a thing of the past.

2. Advice to the human species?

George: Leave nature alone, haven't we done enough? Save the planet? We can't even take care of ourselves yet, we haven't learned how to take care of one another, and we're gonna save the fucking planet? I'm tired of that shit. You know what they're interested in a clean place to live, their own habitat, they're worried that some day in the future that they might be personally inconvenienced.

3. That's very true. Do you think that there is something wrong with Earth? That we hurt it majorly in someway that will destroy it?

George: There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine, the people are fucked. Compared to the people- the planet is doing great, been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years and we've been here what.. a hundred thousand? ..maybe two hundred thousand? and we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two Hundred Years VS Four and a Half Billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're going to put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue green ball that's just a-floating around the sun? The planet has been through a lot worse then us.

4. Worse in what regards?

George: [It's] Been through all kinds of things worse than us. [It's] Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate techtonics, continental drifts, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles.. Hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets, asteriods and meteors. Worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fire, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages.. and we think some plastic bags and aluminium cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn't going anywhere, We are.

5. So you think the human species as a whole is coming to an end?

George: [Yes.] We're going away. Pack your shit folks.

6. Do you think that the human species or anything we've "accomplished" matters?

George: [No.] We won't leave much of a trace either, thank god for that. Maybe a little styrofoam... maybe. The planet will be here, and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation, just another closed end biological mistake, an evolutionary culdesac... the planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuissance.

7. How's the planet doing? Are people conceited in thinking that we are a threat?

George: You wanna know how the planet's doing? Ask those people in Pompeii who are frozen into position from volcanic ash how the planet's doing. Wanna know if the planet's all right ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake material if they feel like a threat to the planet this week.

8. So you think people are just stupid when it comes to what nature is capable of? Can you give me an example?

George: [Yes.] How about those people in Kilauea Hawaii, who build their houses right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.

9. Why do you dislike the human species so much?

George: [Because] I realized that I really didn't care about the outcome on this planet, I didn't care what happened to the human species. This is a species that was given great gifts and had great potential and squandered them. I think this species squandered them. I think it choose poor ways of organizing itself, socially and politically. I think it made a wrong turn when it came to buying the okidoke that the spirtual leaders gave, the high priest. We turned it over to the high priest and the traitors. It's commerce and religion that have ruined and spoiled the potential of this species. And in this country the same two things are true but this country is rite large and this country is the leader in the decay of the soul.. if you will.. I use that metaphorically, I just don't care what happens to this country.

10. It seems like the human species and America itself anger you, does it?

George: [It's not anger,] It's really a reflection of disappointment and disillusionment and being let down by my species.. you know. We had such great possibilities, and they're not being realized.

11. So you think religion is one of the main things that destroyed the human species, why do you think that?

George: [Because] Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. That kinda shit is very limiting. It's very limiting for this brain we have.

12. I agree, not a lot in religion makes any real sense. Were you ever religious? And if so, what was your religion?

George: Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

13. So you no longer believe in a supreme, all-knowing, perfect being?

George: How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes...dies.

14. I never thought of it that way... So if you don't believe in a "God" you don't support the belief we are alone in this universe, correct?

George: If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

15. Does accepting the fact that the human species is ending, or how you like to call it circling the drain, depress you?

George: No, it lifts me up. ... Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

16. Why do you think that is?"

George: I revel in it. I am a critic of it all because I think it's a fascinating drama in self-destruction.

17. Could you explain "Circling the Drain" to my readers?

George: [As a species] We're at a nice downward glide, I call it circling the drain- and [If you watch a drain.. if you watch a sink..] the circles get smaller and smaller and faster and faster and ploop .. we'll be gone.

18. Do you think you've figured out the meaning of it all?

George: Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

19. That's murphy's law for ya. Do you have your own philosophy?

George: [Yes.] I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

20. Thank you for your time it was a dream, Any parting words?

George: May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Hope you enjoyed this comic interview about our impending doom.
xoxo disaster girl

*The entire portion of this interview featuring George Carlin was created using actual Carlin quotes that fit actual questions that I would have asked him- had he still been alive, and if he actually let me interview him. It is not a real interview, and some parts are taken from actual interviews with Carlin that appear on the web. Any paraphrasing is likely just an error in me converting it from audio to text.